Open Risk Academy
data science
“Alas! the love of women! it is known to be a lovely and a fearful thing.” – Lord Byron
This post is going to discuss fear and dating – from a woman’s perspective. (I also warned you there was a shockingly high possibility that I’m going to go off into a feminist rant, but I shall try not to…)
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When I speak of dating and fear, I do not mean going to a horror movie on a first date. Nor am I going to provide the usual tips for meeting with online suitors. Instead, I will highlight the day to day instinctual defences that most lasses take for granted and common behaviours many men exhibit without realising they may be causing warning flares to go off.
An Example Scenario: I am walking home from the tube in London; it’s dark but not late at night. A car with two young men drives past. Fifty yards down the road; it turns loops back behind me and pulls up next to me. The chap in the passenger seat rolls down his window…
Whatever happens next is beyond our concern. He could be asking directions, telling me I’m hot, asking my opinion in the argument him and his gay husband in the driving seat are having. Whatever their intention is, I will have seen them turn and my body will have reacted long before they pull up next to me. By the time he opens his mouth, my heart is pumping, adrenalin floods my bloodstream and while I don’t falter or change pace, I am primed for “fight or flight”. They could be lost tourists, douche nozzles who are trying to freak me out, or serial rapists that mean me harm. One of them could even be my future husband, but the fact is such behaviour – no matter how sinister or innocent their intent – is going to distress any female.
Truth is most weeks if not most days, a woman out on her own will feel intimidated or at risk. Few guys have this inherent sense of danger, and so don’t take into account how much this will impact women during dates.
Let’s be quite clear – I am not of a victim mentality. I don’t predict danger in every situation, but whether by nature or nurture I am programmed to assess the risk in all circumstances (when I haven’t spent the evening drowning my instincts in vodka). A woman’s physiological differences mean she is often raised to fear rape, attack or use of force, besides her already attuned instinctual defences. Both nature and nurture gang up on the fairer sex.
And I’m not dismissing the need for being safety conscious. It is a sad reality in today’s society. I am not a fan of fear-mongering or blaming the victim, as the recent London ad campaign against unlicensed taxis pictured here did. We at Loveawake.com just hope to raise awareness about the reasons why you may see paranoia bubbling behind the soft doe eyes of some women.
To the gentlemen out there – think about the manner in which you choose to approach a woman. Manly and confident is great, swaggering or threatening is just dumb. (There’s a fine line for some boys out there…)
Also consider the logistics of the date, are you asking her to meet you somewhere public? Is there a parking or public transport nearby, or are you expecting her to walk across a park / gang war zone / motorway to get to the “out of the way gem” you have chosen?
And do you know that chivalry isn’t dead? See her to into a taxi / subway / bus / car / family home before you meander into the distance. This is a good rule even after a shocker of a date, and even if she doesn’t seem impressed by the offer. A polite tactic is to watch from the corner as the lady walks down the street back to a car or bus stop etc. Doing so won’t force an unwelcome or awkward goodnight kiss, while affording a lady the courtesy of male protection and the associated sense of security.
Of course, what I haven’t touched upon in this post is the inverse – which is how men might feel more secure and safe when on a date with me…
As I’ve recently been told looking at a man like your next meal before beginning to stretch slowly and deliberately can feel a tad intimidating.